Just How Many is “Everyone”?

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His problems are many, but he is only one person.

Ah, language.  I remember a while back, being a passenger in a car with a friend of mine. We were at a fast food drive though because he had a coupon.  So he placed our order and told the attendant on the other side of the speaker he had a coupon.  The attendant asked him “How many people are in the car?”

My friend replied , “All of us!”

I say this because when you are opening up an incident ticket, it may ask you how many people this incident is affecting.  Even if you have multiple personalities, if you are the only one affected, then you are the only one affected.  Saying that this is affecting the whole company when obviously it is not is more likely to get a hearty laugh from the person who gets your incident (along with a few other people on the desk). This is basically known on the desk as lying about your situation in order to have someone look at it “right now!”

Protip: This never, ever works.

You see, yes, we jump on emergencies with both feet.  We’re the high tech firemen and women, trying to make sure that real four alarm fires are taken care of quickly.  We want to help everyone, but we have to set priorities.  Sometimes we can get to you immediately. Sometimes, we can’t.  But we will, as soon as we can.

Do it enough times, and your name will become well known as someone who is trying to game the system.  Yes, we talk about people like you in between putting out fires. When we see that the incident is not the level of everyone in the country catching Ebola at the same time, we set the ticket to reality.  if you really are adamant about doing this continuously, we’ll have a conversation with your boss about it.

And that is a ticket, I don’t think you want.

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