On Through The Night

I travel.  A lot.  I’m that level just below road warrior. Call it road kill.  Life has changed since the golden days of flying, when everyone dressed to the nines, real food was served on airline china and flight attendants were called stewardesses.  Yeah, those days are gone.  Flying has become a commodity for all the right and wrong reasons.  Today we are shuffled like cattle, squeezed into seats made for munchkins and made to deal with our fellow man on a forced basis.   Anyway, I just finished up a one-connect red-eye from hell.  And so, since I’m feeling somewhat cranky as a result, I wish to remind some of my fellow travelers about a couple of those little rules about traveling in the 21st century.  I do this especially since the travel “silly season” is upon us, where everyone out there who does not have a clue, purchases an overpriced seat to go to that overpriced dream place for a too short a period of time.

First, you know those rules the TSA has about liquids?  Yeah, they are an idiotic pain in the butt, and that’s putting it mildly.  But do us all a favor.  Tell it to your congressman.  Tell it to the President. Tell it to someone who can actually change things.  Do not tell the TSA agent. They do not care that the twenty-four ounce bottle of shampoo you have to carry on retails for seventy-five dollars and contains the placentas of genetically engineered blue-eyed fruit bats.  And neither do the rest of us waiting in line.  The rules, no matter how Kafkaesque they may seem are not going to change just because you think they magically do not apply to you.  Become an activist  - on your own time.

Next up, I know that the airlines are scumbags for charging for checked bags.  But really, do you have to pack up the plantation like the Beverly Hillbillies and try to stuff it into three oversized bags and then try to  pretend they are two carry-ons?  You are traveling on an airplane, not escaping the Bolsheviks.  Learn to pack lightly.  Here’s a useful tip.  Take everything you want to take for your trip and the night before you leave, cut that pile in half.  It actually works.

When you are on vacation, you buy stuff.  Do yourself a huge favor – See if the place you bought your stuff from will ship to your home.   Less things to try to keep track of.  And less things you have to pack on the way home.

The flight attendants are there to prevent me from strangling your progeny and stuffing their lifeless body into the overhead bins.  You can help too.  I do not care that your precious is an honor student; all I care about is that your precious keeps kicking the back of my seat.  Be aware that this is a tiny place we are stuck in for the next two to five hours.  I do not want to kill anyone.  So stop making it so tempting to do so.

And yes, sometimes a flight attendant can be a real b*tch.  They have to be when they put up with people like you.   There is a saying: “How best to act a King, when always treated like a King”.  The service industry has a habit of treating even the most petty tyrant with respect.  Try to do the same for the flight attendant.

The point to this is simple; we are fellow travelers in a confined space for a short period of time.  Travel is not about you; it is about the journey itself.  Be aware there are other people around you and act accordingly.  Smile to each other.  The food isn’t great, if there is any, the coffee lukewarm and the conversation minimal at times.  That is the way of the road.  Be a warrior, but be a gentle one.

It’s Called “Search” For A Reason

I have a question.  I have been trying to research this question for the last two hours with little or no headway, and I blame Google.  And Bing.  And every other search engine out there, because search engines no longer do what they are supposed to do, at least in my mind. I mean, I have a question, I go to Google, Bing, etc…, I type in my parameters and a list of sites come up that should have relevant information to what I am searching for.

Silly me. You see, I thought that sarch was supposed to bring me the answers I need.  It used to, but not anymore.  Now it tells me to go to sites that someone else wants me to go to, whether that site is appropriate for my needs or not. 

You see, I was told by my doctor that I should be taking a magnesium supplement, and that I should buy magnesum bis-glycinate, as it is a version of magnesium that is easily absorbed and does not upset the stomach. 

Easy, you would think.  Go to a vitamin store and pick up a bottle.  Only there is a slight problem.  The place where I usually shop does not carry it.  The manufacturer my store works with was having problems with their magnesium supply.  There are plenty of other types of magnesium supplements on the shelf, but none of them are of the bis-glycinate variety.  OK, I tell myself.  I’ll just head home, and check it out and see what I can find on-line, where I can buy it, and problem solved.  The internet saves the day again.

Two hours later, I have set aside my search and decided to write about this, because it is a better alternative to relieving my frustration than setting my laptop on fire.   

I check Google and type “Magnesium bis-glycinate”.  The first page of sites are for the manufacturer that is having supply problems, and therefore useless.  It also does not help that this company appear to be the only manufacturer of magnesium bis-glycinate.  But, there is a listing for a magnesium glycinate.  So now I have a new question: What is the difference between magnesium bis-glycinate and magnesium glycinate?  Because if there is no difference, there are stores nearby where I can go and buy and not have to worry about shipping or waiting. 

I know what is coming though.  That question is going to send me to the farm.  As in Content Farm.  No matter how you slice it, you know you’re going there.  And because it is a subtle difference between the two key phrases, this is going to be a death march through the worst the internet has to offer.  With advertisements everywhere telling me where I can buy anything but magnesium bis-glycinate. 

Two hours laster, and I now know more about magnesium than I ever cared to know.  I know that muscles depend on it and that it appears to help people with Tourette’s syndrome in relieving the physical tics accompanying the condition.  I now know that epsom salt baths work, because the magnesium is absorbed into the body by the skin, allowing muscles to relax.  That magnesium supplements can cause diarreah.  I know all these things, except the difference, if any, between magnesium glycinate and bis-glycinate.  My own understanding of basic chemistry tells me that the difference is probably that instead of bonding with a single glycine amino acid, the bis-glycinate formula has magnesium bonding to two glycines instead.  But the question remains: Is this difference critical?  Will my doctor look down her nose and over her glasses and say with a sigh, “You realize there is a difference between them, don’t you?”

I know at this juncture that calling my doctor is what I have to do in order to get the answer to what I think is a very simple question.  But the point is that if search engines focused more upon question results than SEO content, life could be easier for users. In their defense, Google has been working on the SEO/content farm problem. 

Sometimes though, a simple answer is really the best result of all.

The More You Know (and Shooting Star)

So what have we learned this week?  So many things.  Protestors in Libya are not using Facebook and Twitter, like their Egyptian neighbors, because both sites were heavily monitored this time.  Instead, they used the Muslim dating site, Mawada.  No doubt under the heading, Revolutionary for Revolutionary.  A good story.  This only goes to show that when presented with a problem, people figure out a solution. 

We now have the latest in robots, one that was inspired by a cheetah and a headless terminator style. The company that makes them is Boston Dynamics, the same folks who gave us the “Big Dog”.  Why Skynet finally become sentient, you now know who to damn with your dying breath. 

Google instituted changes to its search algorithm and there are definite losers, of which Associated Content is one of them.  Or, I should say, “Why is Associated Content considered a Content Farm?” Perhaps if they didn’t cause people to make mocking videos on how to boil water, I could take them seriously. Until then, “How do I wear a shoe that fits?”

After last year’s Antennae-gate Apple’s iPhone, Verizon version, does the same thing.  When you put your finger over the gap, the call drops.  The only difference is that this time no one is upset.  Those that were upset the last time apparently have been re-educated to say that this is a feature.

Speaking of which, Apple fan Dave Frommer admitted that after the initial crush on his iPad, he hardly ever uses it anymore. As Frommer is more in the creation of content camp rather than the consumer of content camp, it is easy to see how that can be, as the iPad is really made to consume more than to than create.  But don’t tell that to the fanbois. 

And finally, Om Malik of the great site GigaOm reported that his Facebook site had been hacked and that he had to go a half a day without being able to use Facebook connect.  It is a report that is both funny and sad.  May I make a suggestion?  Many of my friends have taken what I call an Amish Weekend where they completely ditch all the electronics for two whole days. Generally after the first six hours of pure hell, they finally calm down and find out what life was like circa 1988.  Only without Bon Jovi.  Its something that I would suggest along with going to a place outside a large city so that you ditch the TV and radio as well. 

It helps give you some perspective. 

I’m Not Dead Yet

This weekend, the New York Times posted an obituary of sorts for blogging, claiming that the kids are using Twitter and Facebook to express themselves on-line, so blogging is dying, dead or somewhere on a cart.  Because, you know, if blogging is losing its allure to the younger generation, well, it’s just dead, dah-ling. 

Of course the esteemed newspaper neglected one important fact – “the kids” don’t read the New York Times either, but there is the Times, day after day, still printing words on dead trees like some group of journalistic zombies.  After all, even my generation stopped buying newspapers years ago. I guess there is dead and then there is dead. 

But blogging is dead, according to those in the know.  Because 12-17 year olds like to tweet and use Facebook.   Um, guys, have you ever seen a twelve to seventeen year old when faced with writing a paper on something?  Anything?  Four hundred words is like climbing Everest.  Anything more than that and forget it.  Let me tweet about what a pain my teacher is.  I can do that in fifty characters, tops then go back to listening to Justin Bieber.

No, NYT, blogging is not dead.  Tell that to Word Press and the six million new blogs this past year.  But apparently that is irrelevant.  Bottom line – some things cannot be said in 140 characters.  Twitter is for making snide comments.  Blogging?  That’s where you can find some great sarcasm.  Besides, most of the tweets that I have seen all seem to point back…to blogs. 

So NYT, yet again, your overhyped headline is not correct. People will blog, long after you have proclaimed it is no longer hip because kids cannot sit down and read more than five words at a time.  And I know that as long as I’m still around, I will rock the keyboard whenever I feel like it.

Because I’m not dead yet.

The New “Journalism”

I was going to title this entry “Lady Gaga Hits Steve Jobs Using  iPhone ”. Why?   Because, Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs and iPhone is currently trending and if I wanted my entry to be seen via SEO (Search Engine Optimization), I should be writing something about Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs and the iPhone in order to move my way to the top of the list of articles about either Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs or the iPhone.  I decided against it because the article really has nothing to do with Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs or the iPhone.  In fact the title would be misleading and possibly libelous. 

If anything, if I could write an article about Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs and the iPhone, and do it fairly quick, then I might be able to find a place on AOL’s staff of journalists, or as I call them “hacks”.  You see, AOL just recently came out with a fifty eight page memo, called “The AOL Way”, which breaks it down like this:

• Each article should be profitable and generate at least 7k PVs/story
• By March: SEO checker to be used on 95% of stories
• Decide What Topics To Cover based on:

1. Traffic Potential
2. Revenue/Profit
3. Turnaround Time
4. Editorial Integrity

• Use freelancers sparingly unless paid for by advertiser
• Carefully craft headlines to grab users’ interest by incorporating in-demand terms and entice them to click onto the article [e.g.] ‘Lady Gaga Goes Pantsless in Paris’.
• Use editorial judgment & insight to determine production. Ex: “Macaulay Culkin” & “Mila Kunis” are trending because they broke up -> write story about Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis.
• In-house AOL staffers are expected to write five to 10 stories per day. (Apparently writing differing versions of Lady Gaga going pantsless and Macauly Culkin and Mila Kunis breaking up in about 45 minutes to an hour and a half per story per day, because, really how much trend change is there within the course of the day.)

And this, dear readers is only the tip of the iceberg.  Please note that “Editorial Integrity” lags behind everything. If you get through the memo without wanting to punch a certain CEO in the face (Not Steve Jobs though.  And certainly not with an iPhone.  And certainly not allowing Lady Gaga to do it for you), it becomes clear that content is the least of what AOL really wants.  They want Carnival barkers to get the eyeballs on the next click-through.  The more insane the headline, the better.

Lady Gaga Hits Steve Jobs Using  iPhone  

I know you got bills to pay, AOL. You used to be known as where innovation goes to die.  Must you carry professional journalism along with it?  Why not just lay it on the line:  AOL is going to become the Weekly World News of the internet, regardless of how much you try to burnish you image by buying up groups like Tech Crunch and the Huff-Po. 

Hopefully, real journalism will eventually win out.  After all, there are stories out there that need to be told that the populace does not know about.  When you see a “breaking” story, that means it wasn’t trending to begin with.  And there are a lot of people out there who do not care about Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs or the  iPhone. But this idea of following what everyone else is following does no service to anyone.  Certainly, it does no service to Steve Jobs, Lady Gaga or the iPhone.

Maybe I should write a story about Steve Jobs never having met Lady Gaga next.  I could title it “Steve Jobs Uses iPhone  to Meet Hit Maker Lady Gaga”.  Two stories with the same SEO tags.  Hey, I can play this game too.

UPDATE 2/22/11:  As of today, if you go to Google and Type “Lady Gaga”, “Steve Jobs” and “iPhone”, this story is the first one up.  Just saying, AOL. 

Stories From the Front – “The Resume Is The New Black” Edition

The time has come to face the facts.  I realized this a couple of weekends ago watching CNN.  Specifically, the conversation was about the job market and finding that “dream job” that everyone talks about but very few apparently have.  And so the conversation boiled down to that old standby, the resume.  Listening to these people going back and forth over what needs to be seen and what is a faux-pas of epic proportions it hit me that really they were talking about fashion.  Basically what one’s style is, not one’s substance.  And I came to the conclusion, that much like Anna Wintour at Vogue every now and then proclaims that Brown is the new Black,  I was ready to proclaim the heresy of heresies:  the resume is dead.

You read it hear, folks.  The resume is dead.  Gone.  Not ever to return.  Not even a “long live the resume”.  Finished. Ka-put, dahling.

Why, you may ask?  Let’s looks at this in the cold light of day, shall we?  If you look at all the “tips” you hear about writing the “perfect” resume, you’ll drive yourself over the cliff.  From all the tips you hear, the perfect resume is tailored specifically to the exact  position you are going for, so that it reflects the fact that you are the person for that position.  It must be one page long, covers everything you ever did in twelve point type, has every keyword a recruiter will ever use and never, never looks too crowded or too sparse.  Also there must be space for someone to take notes.

In addition, if you are changing professions, a functional resume is great as long as it is in chronological order.  You also need to let any future employer know exactly what you have done, but since your work responsibilities always fit underneath that job title perfectly, mentioning what those responsibilities actually were is redundant and therefore should not be included.  You need to boldly  list your accomplishments, but do so in a way that does not look like you’re bragging.

This would be all well and good, except it really doesn’t matter anyway, because all those resumes that are handed out at job fairs and the like are basically thrown into the trash once they make it back to the HR office.  Well, that is if someone even accepts them.  “You’ll need to visit our website” is the latest catchphrase that basically means “Keep that filthy piece of paper out of my face”.  And what does that website ask you to do?  Put your resume in their format.  So there you are, rewriting you resume yet again in a format that does not allow you to do any of the things the talking heads on CNN just told you to do.

I think I had come to this realization some time ago, when a recruiter basically took my resume and immediately asked , where are the keywords?  To which I replied, the systems I have used are at the top of the page.  “No, no.” he said, “You need to list keywords for every single job you have on the resume, even if it seems redundant.  Hiring managers are only looking at keywords these days.”

I wanted to tell him that any hiring manager that makes decisions based on single words and not the bigger picture should be riding that “special bus” to work, but decided against it.  Because after some research, he was right.  There is an interesting white paper from The Sierra Group, entitled “The Traditional Resume is Dead: The Technology Behind Recruiting”.  In four pages, they point out that recruiting has become an assembly line process for most employers, and that the practice of resume blasting has increased the load of resumes greatly for companies.  The result?  You are never going to stand out no matter how good your resume is.  Given this economy, the chances of them finding you through the noise is greatly reduced.  Remember, Human Resource Managers are more interested in finding the best candidate or candidates, not just those who meet some minimum standard of a screening process.

So, with all these barriers to the traditional resume, how do you break through?  Networking sites like LinkedIn are the main way that people are reaching each other. I have known people who basically do nothing but find out who the best recruiters are for their area, link to them and then almost cyber stalk them for leads.   Not a good plan, but some folks are that desperate.

Other than almost having a judgment against you (which also does not look good on a resume) the answer to the question of breaking through to get that job varies from person to person.  One thing is certain. The old ways of job searching are long gone.  Just like Brown is the new Black.  At least for this season.

It’s A Festivus Miracle!

Today is Festivus. In accordance with tradition, I submit my 2010 Airing of Grievances. The following have disappointed me over the past year, in no particular order:

• Carol Bartz for still not figuring out what Yahoo is, $@#$#%#^^$%!!!!!!!!!!!. Of course no one else has either, but really, she is the head Hooligan, so she should have some idea.
• Steve Jobs for not allowing Chris Chang’s company to make a really cool action figure of him. Yeah I know, someone would put a mini Darth Vader helmet on it and then make a viral video which would piss him off to no end. But really, Steve, I promise I wouldn’t skewer you too much.
• Ray Ozzie for not gathering the Microsoft developers French revolution style and storming Ballmer’s office for cancelling Courier. Of course I get the fact that Ray didn’t want his breast exposed as in the painting. But still, it would have been awesome.
• Every single TV maker in the world. 3-D. Really? After all these years and the only thing you can offer as an advancement in 3-d technology is polarized glasses? Really?
• Google. Before rolling out Google TV, don’t you think it would have been a really keen idea to get the networks to buy into it?
• Apple. Ping. The less said, the better.
• Airlines that think that voice recognition is really cool. It isn’t. It’s annoying. I have to say the same thing five times before the system recognizes it, or else do my impression of Lillith from Frasier.
• The TSA. Come on guys, I’ve been looking for a real good grope, and nothing. Am I that undesirable? I feel cheated.
• People on Facebook who immediately are up in arms when a change is made to the system. There’s a life out there. Go get one.
• By that same token, Facebook. You know if you set everyone’s privacy to the highest and let them decide to open themselves up, you wouldn’t have so many people out there screaming. Just a thought.
• Apple again for pretending to be East Germany over losing an iPhone, complete with Stasi-like raids in the middle of the night.
• Steve Jobs again, this time for telling left handed people that the iPhone is perfect and they are not.
• Viacom, for still continuing with a lawsuit that has been thrown out of court once.
• Microsoft for allowing Kin to see the light of day.
• Telecom companies that have made a standard like 4G a marketing tool. When you do things like that, then we know you aren’t telling the truth about anything, OK?
• And finally, to politicians who decry Net Neutrality really loud. Please to note that those who cry the loudest are the ones who have received huge amounts of money from the telecom companies. I still think that our legislators need to wear NASCAR jumpsuits with patches of the companies and groups who have sponsor them. Now that would be transparency I could get behind.

This Could Explain Fanbois

I, for one, could really do without fanbois.  Basically they are the equivalent of the drunk guy in the sports bar who loves to yell  “YANKEEESSS SUUUUCK!” at any opportunity.  Now the fact is, the drunk may indeed be right; but really, is the yelling required?  Much like every time I read an article about smartphones these days.  As has been pointed out, the market still hasn’t matured, yet there has to be some fanboi with the always pertinent comment, “EPIC FAIL!”.  Like I said, just like the drunk guy at the bar.  No explanation, no anything.  Just “EPIC FAIL!” like it really means something.

Now I say this in regard to an article that is out concerning how scientist can change a person’s moral judgment, merely by disrupting a specific area of the brain with magnetic pulses.  What is surprising is that the area that needs to be disrupted is approximately just behind and above the right ear.  You know, that place where you put your smartphone when you take a call. 

Apparently, those folks at M.I.T. found that the knot of nerve cells known as the right temporo-parietal junction, or RTPJ could be impaired using magnetic pulses to block cell activity. The RTPJ is an area of the brain found to be highly active when people think about the thoughts and beliefs of others.

Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, a brain expert at University College London, said the findings were insightful.

"The study suggests that this region – the RTPJ – is necessary for moral reasoning.

"What is interesting is that this is a region that is very late developing – into adolescence and beyond right into the 20s.”

Now I’m not saying that  people who use smartphones are turning into amoral a-holes, but this could explain a lot of things.  Epic Fail indeed. 

What I Won’t Get For Christmas

It is Black Friday and time for the things I won’t be getting for Christmas. M.I.C. Gadget’s Chris Chang just reported that they just received a cease and desist order from Apple that prevents them from creating the must have action figure of the year. That action figure? Steve Jobs, of course.

It’s a shanda, really it is. The figure actually looks good. But, you know, Steve is Steve and he’s in control. Of eveything.

Another thing I won’t be getting is a Kung Zhu hamster, which happens to be the toy of the year. That’s OK, the last thing I want is a hairy hot wheels.

Google TV is also something I won’t be getting this Christmas. Not because Apple TV is great, as I won’t be getting that either. It’s because right now the TV market is in a huge state of flux. I’m holding off until they finally combine 3D with the web with smell-o-vision with an app store with whatever they can come up with in the next five years. I figure by that time they should have it all together.

And finally when they get that together, I might finally get a gaming system. inect is the best step so far. Until that time though, I’ll continue to play real bowling, volleyball and as for dancing, well, I’ll continue to do that in the privacy of my own bedroom.

There are some things that some people need never see.

Technical Difficulties

In this day and age, I realize that a computer is very much an extension of myself. It has settings, quirks, ways that allow me to do my job, have fun, surf, and communicate. In some ways, it is like a virtual house; I know where everything is, and what everything does.

And like every home owner out there, when the furniture gets moved or rennovations are being done or even if you have to move to another place things can become annoying. And for the last week I have been annoyed.

Simple enough story: My main computer gave up the ghost. At least I can access the data on the drive, but the fact is, while my computer is undergoing rennovations, I am using an older, slower, less familiar machine. In in the last week I have come to realize how much we as humans customize things to how we use it. Even if the computer is a standard issue office machine where everyone in the office has the same thing set up in the same way. We set things up the way we want them to be. Which is why you may have two houses with the same floorplan and exterior on the same block, but they are two different houses entirely once you get inside.

How easy things would be if we were to simply be able to go from one machine to another with no problems. Everything in the same place in the same way everywhere. No getting used to how things work, as you work in the same way everywhere. No down time getting to know the quirks of your computer. Of course, when someone finds a more efficient way to make something work, the newest release would be changed, but you would just have to adjust to a release version, not everything else. How easy. How dull. The fact is, having to adjust to a different way of working has made me think more, realize that there are other ways of working and stretch my mind a little. It may not be efficient, it may be frustrating, but it has been creative.

Now all of this brings me to the “Walled Garden” approach that companies have taken as of late. From what I have seen so far, the chances for real customization do not seem to be there. The latest round of devices have more to do with toasters than that of actual computers. The creativity is in the content, not the presentation. Now hardware wise, it makes sense for the manufacturer, after all, you have control over the parts. You know the pieces all talk to each other in the same way each and every time, so your machine code flows beautifully. And, it’s cheaper. The downside is that you really can’t hack a pad the same way you can turbocharge a tower.

So, I think I’ll sit the pad frenzy for now. They are beautiful and sleek but I’d rather face the frustration of upgrading hardware. Yeah it’s frustrating and messy, but like any do-it yourselfer, it’s my work.